Gender Roles

Last week after work, I went to Wednesday night young-adult group at church as usual. Before we got started, a few announcements were given. One of which was that the women's ministry fun-group was getting together to watch the movie "Anne of Green Gables."

Then one of the guys piped up and said "I thought you said it was supposed to be 'fun.'"

Oh my. Where do I start?

Why must some people express disdain toward events not intended for them?

The church has a lot of things going on that are targeted toward specific sub-groups of people: men's ministry, women's ministry, single mom's activities, youth (jr. high and high school) activities, kids, etc.

Not everyone fits in to every sub group. Duh, right? But if that was so obvious, then nobody would have any need to express a negative opinion about an activity for a group they're not a part of, right? Yet this guy didn't hesitate to express his opinion about "Anne of Green Gables." Somehow I have a hard time imagining that same guy making fun of some kind of activity geared toward any other group he's not a part of. How would that go?
Leader: "The kids fun group is getting together next week to watch DVD episodes of Yo Gabba Gabba"
Guy: "I don't like Yo Gabba Gabba, why aren't the kids watching something more fun?"


If it doesn't interest you, don't go.

I don't seem to have the same interests as most of the women in my church. They've organized group shopping trips out of town. Unless we're going to the Home Depot, I have no interest in a shopping trip. They usually pick movies I don't care about. Like that guy, I have no interest in seeing Anne of Green Gables. I'd rather watch Iron Man, or Tron. But as much as I wasn't into that movie, I wasn't about to open my mouth to rain on their parade like that guy did. Who cares if they want to see Anne of Green Gables? If that's what they want to do, let them do it. That doesn't mean I have to go if I'm not into it.


But why do we have to be exclusive anyway?

If some guy wants to see Anne of Green Gables, he's still not welcome because it's the women's group. I never did, and still don't understand the exclusivity of segregating groups by gender. And if we're into segregating, then why only on that one particular dimension? Wouldn't it be better to segregate based on interests or needs instead? For example, why is there a single mom's ministry? Wouldn't a single dad have the same needs? I know, there are not as many single dad's as there are single moms. But why exclude the single dad? Why?

Occasionally, once a month usually, our young adult group will divide up men and women and meet separately. More often than not, the guys are doing something I'd must rather be doing than the ladies are doing. Once, the women were getting together to do crafts. The guys were getting together to grill and eat meat. But I wasn't allowed to do the thing I was more interested in: eating grilled meat. I have no interest in crafts. So I stayed home that night. It's not always the case. One month the girls played games like Cranium, and I had fun doing that.

A few weeks later, though, the guys were getting together (on their own, not as part of the official group) to play Risk. The guy announcing it specifically said "if any of the guys want to come over to my house to play Risk, we're getting together this Friday." I felt like I had to intrude to be invited. But I timidly asked "is it just for guys?" Turns out it just never occurred to him that any of the girls liked to play Risk or would want to come. I was more than welcome to come, and he felt bad for not inviting everyone. And I went, and I was the only girl there, and I didn't care, and I had a blast.


"I thought you said it was supposed to be 'fun.'"

Oh yes, back to that. Is it just me who felt that was an incredibly rude thing to say? It felt like it was just me. And I feel like I'm the only girl who doesn't want to participate in most of what the girls want to do. And I feel left out when the guys talk about things they'd like to do instead, and they're things I'd like to do as well. And I feel like I'm not "supposed" to prefer their activities over the girls' activities. It's as if there's something wrong with me.

Stuck in between can be a rather lonely place to be.